A Sacrifice of Thankfulness

We're six months in and things really aren't better yet.  I haven't written much on here because I don't have much new to say.  It still hurts.  It still is hard.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that in some respects it's even harder than 6 months ago simply because nothing has changed like I hoped that it would and I'm being forced to settle in for the long haul.  My new life still feels impossible.  And tears still fall most days.

Today is a day of thanksgiving.  I have so many memories of thanksgivings past that are full of joy and happiness, fellowship and family, love and tender closeness to my dearest ones.  The enemy has shown me, again and again, today how much I have lost.  He has repeatedly whispered in my ear how justified I would be to not participate in this holiday.  And I surely have seen how much my heart wants to say a big huge, "no thank you" to what God's sovereignty has brought.

Sacrifices are painful.  They are costly.  Life would be so much easier without them.   Perhaps the Israelite bringing his best lamb might have wondered some years, is this really necessary?  Does it really help?

Isn't it a wonder that after mentioning pain and loss, the Psalmist puts on a face of determination and says, "I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord." (Psalm 116:17)  Here is the truth that was shining at me today: sometimes life hurts so much that thanksgiving becomes a sacrifice and we have to choose to make it.  It can be painful to wake up in the midst of sorrow and say thank you.  It would be much easier to not.  One might wonder as the holiday marks a painful year like this one: is this really necessary? Does it really help?

Thanksgiving has a way of forcing our eyes to see Jesus.  Like the prayer of St. Patrick who cries, "Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I arise..." Thanksgiving forces us to look above, beneath, on our right, on our left, throughout the day and see Christ working on our behalf.  This thanksgiving sacrifice works for our good as it draws our eyes out of our pit and back to our Savior who is working all around us for our good.  Surely this kind of calling out to the Lord will open our hearts to an eternal joy even when there is very little earthly happiness. So yes, it is necessary and it does help.

So by God's grace, we made our green bean casserole, drank our Uganda coffee, carved our turkey, fashioned our pies, sang our hymns and went around the circle giving thanks like we always have.  And you know what?  My heart was soothed a bit.  God's grace has once again brought me to the end of what could have been a very hard day and I can see that he hemmed me in and held me tightly through it.  Thank you, Lord.  You truly are a gracious God.

God's Rescue Missions

Sometimes God rescues us when we didn't even know we needed rescuing.

There was a baby girl who was pushed into this world by a mother, who at sixteen, wasn't much more than a girl herself.  She was trying to make it on her own and didn't have too many options in life, so she kept that baby girl in a hotel room at night.  By day, she passed the baby girl around the truckers' arms, as she dished up their food at a truck stop across the street.  Without anyone teaching her to be a tender mom, she couldn't handle it when the baby girl cried, so she punished the tears with cigarette burns and spankings that were never meant for six-week-old baby soft skin.  And after trying hard to make it work, one night the words flew, the yelling got loud enough and the police were called.  God swooped in that night and rescued that baby girl, long before she knew she needed rescuing. 

But rescuing doesn't always feel good.  There is ripping and pulling that hurts.  The Great Gardener will rescue a little seedling by pulling it out of the plug tray and transplanting it to a pot, but as he pulls it the roots will rip and tear, the plant might even wither slightly; it sounds like death is coming at the hands of the Gardener.  But really, he is rescuing that plant.  He is putting it where it can grow, bloom, produce seedlings of its own and bring glory to the Gardener. 

Fast forward many years and that baby girl grew up.  She got married, had a truckload of kids and headed off to the mission field.  Life was humming along as she dished out plates of food, taught her kids school, and wrapped up skinned knees and wounded hearts.  And God looked down again and saw that his little girl was being hurt again in ways that were never meant for one of his children to endure.  She didn't know it.  But he rescued her again. Before she even knew that she needed rescuing, he swooped in and pulled her out.

The ripping hurts.
The pulling hurts.
There are days that she feels withered.
There are days that she feels like she just might die.

But she is in the hands of the Great Gardener.
He is putting her in a new place where she can grow, mature, and bring glory to the Gardener.

Oh God, thank you that your great rescue missions weren't only when I came to Christ... when you rescued me from my sin (though I surely thank you for that, as it was the greatest of all my rescues), but that you also rescue your people from pain and suffering even on this earth.  You truly are worthy of praise.  In all of the ripping, pulling, and withering, may my life bring you glory.  Even though I don't know my future, I know you.  Your character.  Your faithfulness.  Your love.  You truly are The Great Gardener.  Your hands are a soft place to rest my fragile heart.

Global Reunion

At the end of July/beginning of August, the kids and I were given the opportunity to go to Oklahoma to attend Global Reunion-- a re-entry/third culture kid camp organized broadly by the Church of Christ.  We had an amazing time.  It was such a great encouragement to us spiritually and emotionally.  We were able to start grieving our losses, begin to pursue some healing, receive tools that we can use as we travel these murky waters, and find a community of people that are also trying to readjust to life in America and children who are now a beautiful swirly pattern of many cultures.

On our way, we decided to drive through Texas.  We spent the weekends in Texas and visited the Dallas OPC for Sunday worship.

The littles learned about the Bridge of Chaos, just like their older siblings did many years ago at MTI.  The Bridge of Chaos, starts with being "Settled" on one side, then moves to "unsettled" then "chaos" then "resettling" then "settled again."  And around the bridge of chaos, are the arms of God carrying us through.  It's been so helpful to be able to remind the kids when they are feeling the chaos, that the chaos won't last forever and that God is surrounding us as we travel across this bridge.

They also learned about Yay Ducks and Yuck Ducks!  Again, the older kids had learned this at MTI before we went to the field and the littles have grown up telling us what their yay ducks (things they like!) and yuck ducks (things they don't like!) were, but never really understood why.  The yay ducks and the yuck ducks always swim together and are never far apart.  Together they make a pair of ducks...or a paradox.  Teaching the kids to speak both is so helpful!

The teens had their own camp and I only saw them for a few brief moments during the week.  Global Reunion started as a camp for teenaged third culture kids.  Many teens come every year for camp.  There were over 80 this year!  Our kids had a blast and are already plotting how they can get back next year.  On the last day, we had a flag ceremony.  Timothy carried the Canada flag, Matthew carried the Netherlands' flag, Rebecca carried the Uganda flag and Katelyn carried the Kenyan flag.

We also got to visit with some very special people along the way.  First is my "half sister"...her adoptive parents were my foster parents.  It's been many years since we've seen each other.

We also got to hang out with my old Roomie from our Covenant College days.  We have just a "few" kids between us now.

I also recently started a Go Fund Me Page.  The Lord has opened doors for me to begin graduate school next week online.  I will be studying for a masters degree of mental health counseling with an emphasis in Christian counseling.  You can read all the details on the page.  Just click the gofundme icon below!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!  Every day we feel God's sustaining grace and I know that he is hearing every one who continues to lift us up daily!  Thank you!

Blessings!

God has blessed us in so many ways this past month!

The biggest gift we were so thankful to receive is our van.  For our first few weeks in the US, all we had was a minivan.  So anywhere we all wanted to go required two trips.  haha...it was quite a juggling feat!  An anonymous donor gifted us a 12 passenger van, that has a nice cargo space in back.  Redeemer OPC in Atlanta did all the leg work to find it and purchase it.  My dad and I went and picked it up last week. Whoever you are, thank you so so much...many tears of joy were spilled when I heard about this gift.

Another great blessing was getting a new puppy.  We had so much loss when we flew back from Uganda, including all our animals...dogs, cat, rabbits, chickens, Guinea fowl, and ducks.  This sweet one, who we named Louisa May, has been a soothing balm to our hearts.  She's a St. Dane...half St Benard and half Great Dane.  She's still a puppy, but oh so sweet.  She comes running with me in the morning and is pretty spoiled the rest of the day.  

 We also were treated to a day at a waterpark.  We had a great time! 

Timothy is now in Oregon for the summer/fall working at an organic dairy farm.  Before he left, he managed to finish his 40 hours of driving time and get his full permit.

The Lord blessed us with a few weeks for the chaos of our move to settle down and then he blessed us with a week of Vacation Bible School at our new church.  This, of course, is a very new experience...my kids were the ones who kept running barefoot and complaining about the air conditioning being too cold. haha!  The kids had a blast though...the three littles as participants and the older ones as helpers.  On the last evening, they had a feast for the kids.  They dressed up like royalty and had a grand time.  The greatest blessing of the week was that it gave my kids a chance to make some new friends.

A Long Week

Whew...what a time we've had lately.  Malaria season has kicked in...with the rains returning the mosquitos are also returning.  William and Benaiah had malaria first, then Katelyn came down with typhoid, then Talitha came down with malaria and some sort of bacterial thing going on, then Benaiah got malaria again, and Rebecca followed that with a tummy bug.  In the middle of all that, I ended up with a blocked kidney (but seemingly not from a stone) that left me in excruciating pain (way worse than childbirth) on Sunday and I spent the day in the hospital getting an Ultrasound and ultimately a CT scan.  On Monday, Talitha spiraled down further and we ended up in the clinic with her for IV antibiotics, antimalarials, and fluid.  Now Eric is playing catch up with the rest of us by coming down with malaria too.  In these seasons, we sure take comfort in God's mercy and compassion and also the prayers of very many saints.  I was listening to Paul Tripp's recent talk at the Gospel Coalition Conference on suffering.  His final point was that suffering happens in community as brothers and sisters in Christ pray for and support one another.  We really felt that last weekend as we walked through some difficult moments, but knew people around the world were praying for us.  

Towards the end of the week, the smiles finally came back out.  Praise God!

And the kids got a turtle as a gift. 

Today, I was able to run in a 5K for CURE hospital.  We have been very thankful for CURE hospital.  They specialize in pediatric brain surgeries...hydrocephalus, spina bifida, and brain tumors.  But they also have helped us out on more than one occasion with stitches, asthma attacks and this past weekend with my CT Scan.  (The radiographer even came back in after-hours from over an hour away to do the scan).  I was so thankful to be able to run today and support a great cause while I was at it.  And running in races here is just an overall great experience...late start times, dance party warm-ups, and dodging bodas and traffic... so much fun! I couldn't convince my family to join me this year, but it was a fun time to catch up with friends.

A Saturday Science Silly

While students all over the world skipped school this past week in order to protest "climate change," my students were busy learning scientific truth via their Apologia science books.  I have been continually blessed by Apologia's God-centered, Christ-exalting, grace-filled teaching through all these many years.

I'm so blessed to be able to teach this crazy crew of mine.

Looks like my littles are gettin' smart.  haha!

Updates and Visits

::First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for all your prayers after our break-in.  We still praise the Lord that no one was hurt and that we didn't lose any possessions.  The intruder has been in jail this whole time and will appear in court soon.  Eric will need to go to court also.  Please continue to pray that God's will be done.  It appears that this is not his first time in prison.  In the meantime, Eric has a student that is from the same tribe as the intruder and has gone a couple times to meet with him in jail.  He was able to share the gospel with him and pray with him.  It also appears that he was not alone in his plans to break into our house.  His cohort is not locked up at this time however, as the evidence against him is still technically considered "hear-say" and not enough to imprison someone for.    The kids have recovered quite well from all of the trauma.  The first few days were rough, but God carried us through.  To Him be the glory!  It was such an encouragement to know that so many were praying for us!  The Lord has also sustained me, particularly in regards to my adrenal insufficiency which really doesn't like stress (I took lots of extra steroids!) and I praise him for that.  It does seem, however, that the stress and busyness have thrown me into an RA flare and the past couple days have brought lots of joint pain.  I know it will pass soon though!

:: We were blessed this past week with a major distraction from the heaviness of the break-in, by a visit from Eric's mom.  Her timing couldn't have been more perfect as she was not here for the break-in, but was here right after!  We enjoyed introducing her to our friends, our church, the college, and our lives here.  We're eagerly anticipating her and Dad coming back one day soon!

Driving up Mt. Wanale:

Visiting Eric's students at the college: (who's that cute little student right up front?! ;-) )

We also were able to visit some friends in the church.  Mama Evangeline is the oldest member of our church (past 90 years).  She broke her leg a couple months ago and has not been able to recover her mobility.  She's a precious dear sister in the Lord.

a HUGE thank you!

In my post before I left, I had mentioned setting up an Amazon wish list.  We were blown away by peoples' generosity in giving to us.  Almost the entire list was purchased and sent to us.  Amazing!  I really wanted to send out individual thank you notes.  A lot of the boxes came with papers saying, "Send a thank you note by scanning this code." So I diligently put all those papers in a pile.  Unfortunately, when I went through them only a small small portion of the codes actually worked.  I'm not sure why.  And very few boxes came with names that could be seen.  But please know, we are SO thankful to each and every one of you!  If your church donated, please pass along our greetings and our thankfulness to everyone! 

This is the pile that was waiting for us when we arrived at my parents!  By the end of our 6 weeks, the postman knew us quite well.  Haha!