A Sacrifice of Thankfulness

We're six months in and things really aren't better yet.  I haven't written much on here because I don't have much new to say.  It still hurts.  It still is hard.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that in some respects it's even harder than 6 months ago simply because nothing has changed like I hoped that it would and I'm being forced to settle in for the long haul.  My new life still feels impossible.  And tears still fall most days.

Today is a day of thanksgiving.  I have so many memories of thanksgivings past that are full of joy and happiness, fellowship and family, love and tender closeness to my dearest ones.  The enemy has shown me, again and again, today how much I have lost.  He has repeatedly whispered in my ear how justified I would be to not participate in this holiday.  And I surely have seen how much my heart wants to say a big huge, "no thank you" to what God's sovereignty has brought.

Sacrifices are painful.  They are costly.  Life would be so much easier without them.   Perhaps the Israelite bringing his best lamb might have wondered some years, is this really necessary?  Does it really help?

Isn't it a wonder that after mentioning pain and loss, the Psalmist puts on a face of determination and says, "I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord." (Psalm 116:17)  Here is the truth that was shining at me today: sometimes life hurts so much that thanksgiving becomes a sacrifice and we have to choose to make it.  It can be painful to wake up in the midst of sorrow and say thank you.  It would be much easier to not.  One might wonder as the holiday marks a painful year like this one: is this really necessary? Does it really help?

Thanksgiving has a way of forcing our eyes to see Jesus.  Like the prayer of St. Patrick who cries, "Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I arise..." Thanksgiving forces us to look above, beneath, on our right, on our left, throughout the day and see Christ working on our behalf.  This thanksgiving sacrifice works for our good as it draws our eyes out of our pit and back to our Savior who is working all around us for our good.  Surely this kind of calling out to the Lord will open our hearts to an eternal joy even when there is very little earthly happiness. So yes, it is necessary and it does help.

So by God's grace, we made our green bean casserole, drank our Uganda coffee, carved our turkey, fashioned our pies, sang our hymns and went around the circle giving thanks like we always have.  And you know what?  My heart was soothed a bit.  God's grace has once again brought me to the end of what could have been a very hard day and I can see that he hemmed me in and held me tightly through it.  Thank you, Lord.  You truly are a gracious God.

Soothing Streams

Is it even possible to cry so many tears? Is it possible to not have enough tears to cry to match the pain?  Sometimes at night, I ask myself these questions.

I think of the Abrahams in this world that have wandered in desert wastelands, the Josephs that have sat in the dark prisons and in the shadows of death because fellow human flesh treated them so unfairly, the Miriams who suffered affliction because of their own foolishness, the Jonah's of the world who have nearly drowned in angry oceans.  So many people through history share a common thread of hurt. Many have surely known the rush of hot tears.  They have known intimately what it is like for their hearts to feel so broken, so helpless.  I surely should not be surprised by my need for so many tears.

The Psalmist in 107 has seen these people.  Through the Holy Spirit, he sees my heart too.  He knows the wanderers, the thirsty, those in darkness, those who see death come close, those who suffer because of their own foolishness, those that suffer from the ravages of a fallen creation.

And the Psalmist gives us hope.

He shows Love in perfect form.  Redeeming grace.  One who satisfies.  A Deliverer.  A mighty arm that shatters the impenetrable iron gates of sin-born prisons.  One who speaks words of healing.  One who commands fierce storms that would swallow our entire being, if they weren't actually storms of grace.

In short, he has the power to turn rivers into deserts and watery springs into thirsty ground.  And so for his enemies? They will thirst and be forsaken.

But for his children?  For me, his daughter? 

Unyielding love.

His power works for us.  That same power brings pure cool water to my desert.  Springs growing in my parched land.  Every time I feel the heat of my broken life, he soothes my aching heart.  Sometimes it's a text of Scripture, sometimes the love of my children, sometimes a text from a friend, mostly I think it's the prayers of multitudes of saints on my behalf.  On those days I haven't been able to walk, you've gently carried my stretcher, earnestly pulled the roof tiles away, and graciously lowered me to the feet of Jesus.

The Psalm ends by saying the upright see it and are glad...and if they are wise, they will also consider that this love is for them.

For you.

God's people are never beyond his love-filled grasp.

Into the Wilderness

The wilderness...an area that most humans don't choose to go to.  It's wild.  It's uncomfortable.  Pain and suffering are far too well known there.  Dry.  Empty. Threatening.

And yet God has chosen to have me walk there.

Why?  Because some things can only be learned in the wilderness.  

It is only in the wilderness, when I am completely parched and have no other hope, that I learn how deeply Christ can quench my thirst  Before the wilderness, a carbonated, sugary soda felt good on a hot day.  A chat with a friend, a nice quote on facebook, a hug from my husband.  Now, I'm desperately thirsty and Christ's fountains are full of living water that is beautiful, deep, clear and life-giving.  Nothing else will do.  It's a matter of life and death every morning when I wake up.  God's word. Study. Pray. Memorize. Read. Pray more. Meditate. Life or death. It must get deep into my heart. There is no other way to live through this moment, let alone this day. The fountain of Christ, full of living water, is the only hope I have.

It is only in the wilderness when I see my weakness and utter incapability to survive, that I learn of his strength and his willingness to carry me.  I cannot walk this road alone and in my own strength.  The pain is too deep.  The temptation to bitterness is too strong.  When the waves of sorrow overwhelm me, I cry again to my older brother, "Save me!  Rescue me from this pain, lest it drown me."  And time after time after time, I feel his strong arms grab my heart and pull me to safety. 

It is only in the wilderness that I can eat his heavenly food and I finally learn that I can be satisfied with manna.  The meat and cucumbers of Egypt have had such a strong grip on me.  Before the wilderness, the fine cuisine of my previous life drove my attitudes and actions.  It determined my level of happiness for the day.  Now my unhelpful cravings are dying down and are no longer having dominion over me.  I see God's faithful provision every day, one day at a time.  I see his care for me. I put the manna to my lips and I taste the steadfast love of God.

It is only in the wilderness that my faith stops depending on God answering all my prayers as I think he should and instead I start to lean on the character of God, his power, his sovereignty, his love.  One of the spiritual jolts that I experienced as I entered the wilderness, was seeing how many prayers for my family were not answered the way I wanted them.  I had been praying so faithfully and fervently for the one that I loved so deeply.  My faith wobbled as I poured tears over my prayer journal.  But in the wilderness, I have learned to look to the character of God, who he is, how he is working all things for my good, how he is still on the throne of the universe, he is still in control and he still loves me.  He is a faithful God.  When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

The wilderness is still hot, hard and not a place I would have wanted to go.  But I'm learning that under the rocks, there is life.  In the hidden crevices, there is beauty.  In the wasteland, there is strength.

And if walking into the wilderness means that I find more of Christ, then God, give me the grace to run.

Seven Years and Now this Call

Today marks 7 years since we first moved to Uganda.  Our "Ugandaversary" has always been a point of celebration, even if only in my heart, simply because every year marked God's faithfulness to us in what was sometimes a difficult post that the Lord had called us to. 

This past Sunday in church we sang the Kristin Getty song "What Grace is Mine?"  The chorus sings,

"So I will go where ever He is calling me.  
I lose my life to find my life in Him  
I give my all to gain the hope that never dies; 
I bow my heart, take up my cross and follow Him." 

Seven years ago, I would have sung this with gusto.  The missional thought of going where ever He called me, stirred in me a sense of purpose and joy as Eric and I boarded the plane with 8 small children in tow.  I was willing to lose my life, to give my all and to take up my cross as I served him in Uganda.

Last Sunday I sat in church in America, with 9 growing children in tow and our home in Uganda so very far away.  Our dream of serving Christ there for many years to come has died a painful, horrible death and the tears flow every day still.  The first time we sang the chorus through, this glorious missional song felt like sandpaper on the open wounds of my heart.

Then the Holy Spirit, the Great Helper, began to prod...

"Am I not the one that has sent you to this new place?"
     "But God, we don't want to be here and not like this!"

"But will you still go where ever I call you? Just like you did 7 years ago?"
     "But God, Uganda seemed to have a purpose, but here all I see is how we failed."

"Will you lose your life in this place because you want to find it in me?"
     "Lord, I was willing to give up so many comforts in Uganda...water, power, safety... but I don't want to lose my life in this way and in this place, it's too much Lord!"

"Are you willing to take up your cross and follow me?"
     "In this place and way, Lord? I don't see anything beautiful about it."
   

But deeper still The Great Helper searched me and tried me, "Well, actually God, if it is you that is doing the calling, then I am willing...a thousand times my answer will be yes...if only you will give me more of yourself.  If you really will fill me with more of you, I'll follow you here.  If I really will find myself in You, I'll lose my life in this painful way.  Lord, I went to Uganda in obedience to your call.  I will now come back from Uganda in obedience to your call.  If you want me here, then in truth, I don't want to be anywhere else.  Lord, it is a big, heavy, rough, burdensome cross that I never in million years wanted to carry.  I don't like how it feels. I wish it would be taken away.  But I'll do it for you."

"God, I believe.  But please, Lord, I beg you... help my unbelief."

Jesus Wept

This morning was rough.  As we sat at breakfast, silent except for tears, all of us were feeling the pain of the recent weeks.  The initial turmoil....the revelation of Satan's work, the unexpected packing, the rushed goodbyes, the 24 hours of travel, jet lag, the chaos upon landing, the joy and heartache of grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins visiting....has all ended.  Now we are in America.  Eric and I are legally separated.  And life just hurts.

This morning was communion at church.  At breakfast, I reminded the kids that as real as it is that we can taste and see the bread and juice, that's how real it is that Christ died for us on the cross.  And because we know that Christ died for us and we can trust him for our salvation, we know that we can also trust our future to Christ.  But this takes eyes of faith to see because we certainly don't "feel" it right now.

As I held the bread in my hand, I began to pray so earnestly that God would meet us in our pain.  Then Benaiah, who also held his bread while bent in prayer, leaned over and asked, "mama, did Jesus cry?"  The only answer I could give was a fervent yes with a hug, as my own tears spilled over.

Jesus wept.  He saw the damage, death, and decay that came with sin and he sobbed for it.  He knows our pain.  He knows betrayal.  He knows who the enemy is.  And he wept.

Christ gave us hope through the cross and the sacrament of communion drives that hope deep into our hearts.  As we sat together for lunch, somehow a wave of joy had peeked through again...a reflection of the grace of God to meet us in our pain this morning and fill our hearts with a peace that truly passes understanding.

One Year RAversary

One year ago today, I woke up with a fever and almost every joint in my body hurting.  I had no idea that a year later I would still be waking up every morning with joint pain and stiffness.  Sudden Onset Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis....when your own immune system plays traitor and begins to attack your own body instead of foreign invaders.  It predominantly attacks the joints, but can also attack major organs like the heart, lungs or kidneys.  The fatigue, fevers, swelling, pain, depression, and anxiety have become constant companions of mine...some days aren't so bad...other days, they take almost everything from me.  And the frustration is that there seems to be very little rhyme or reason to it.   I'll be fine for part of a day and then suddenly I'm feverish.  Or one day the pain will predominantly be in my toes, the next in my knee and then my jaw.  Many mornings I wake up wondering "what part of me will hurt today?"  One day I'll be great all day and the next I'll be in bed most of the day.  It's so random!  The medicines (meant to weaken the immune system so that it stops fighting so hard) for it have definitely helped, but I'm nowhere near being in remission.

I recently read a short biography on Charles Spurgeon by John Piper (A Camaraderie of Confidence in his series "The Swans are Not Silent")  I learned that Spurgeon also had RA and Gout...and died from it at the age of 57.  One-third of the last 22 years of his ministry were spent out of the pulpit due to flares or rest or trying to take precautions to prevent his rheumatism from flaring.  I found it encouraging to see that God allowed him to continue his ministry even if it meant cutting back and resting a little more. (Mind you, his "walking pace" of ministry was probably more of a "sprinting pace" for the rest of us! haha!)  I also resonated with his view that RA has a marvelous mellowing effect on a person.  He writes, "I dare say the greatest earthly blessing that God can give to any of us is health, with the exception of sickness...If some men that I know could only be favored with a month of rheumatism, it would, by God's grace mellow them marvelously." 

But even more encouraging was his view that his affliction was designed by a loving God.  He writes, "It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity."  John Piper comments, "For Spurgeon, this view of God was not an argument for debate; it was a means of survival."  It's true.  How can one even begin to accept affliction if our affliction was sent to us by anyone but God himself and sent to us for our own good?

Spurgeon also saw the blessing of his suffering from RA and Gout.  He said, "I am afraid that all the grace that I have got of my comfortable and easy times and happy hours, might almost lie on a penny.  But the good that I have received from my sorrows, and pains, and griefs, is altogether incalculable...Affliction is the best bit of furniture in my house.  It is the best book in a minister's library." 

Did you know that 13-42% of RA patients struggle with varying degrees of depression? Spurgeon was no exception.  But he saw three ways that God used his depression.  First, it kept him humble.  Second, it gave unexpected power to his ministry as he "heard his own chains clank while he tried to preach to his fellow prisoners in the dark."  And third, he often saw that the depression came just before a large blessing in his ministry... like a black cloud before it breaks into a rainstorm.  His depression became a sort of prophet to him that God was on the verge of doing great things. 

So many blessings can come through RA and sickness in general.  And I'm thankful that over the last year I have experienced much of that blessing also.  It's not a road I would have chosen, but my loving Father chose it for me.  I've been grateful for it's mellowing effect and how it has pushed me to more prayer and more dependence on Him.  I know that I'll praise him for all of eternity for how he has used it in my life for my good and his glory. 

And the Heaviness Lifts...

Every Friday I lead a Bible study at church for the ladies/girls of our church.  It is something I love to do.  Yesterday we discussed Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It is not easy to be a woman living in Kikamba (the slum where our church is located).  Violence, divorce, hunger, sickness, drunkenness sweep through, threatening every corner.  Women are often faced with a choice of selling their bodies so they can feed their family or standing alone and watching their children try to fall asleep hungry.  Many of the women are illiterate.  Many face violence in the home.  Many watch fevers rage in their children and there is very little they can do about it.  Just yesterday, when it was time to take prayer requests, we prayed for a family who almost had their 3 year old kidnapped out of their home at 2am, a family where thieves came in and used a panga to injure their cow (a financial investment and source of livelihood) to the point that the cow died, for a grandmother who is grieving because her grandsons were arrested for raping someone, two different wives who were attacked by their husbands and nearly killed, another mother whose son was severely burned and he needs treatment, two mothers who have children in prison, two mothers who have other children that refuse to obediently stay at home and many who struggle with chronic sickness and troubles.  Most of the wayward children mentioned above do not have fathers in their lives.  One of the women who is suffering from violence in the home has a family that won't help her at all because she is the only Christian and her family is Muslim.  It's not easy to be a woman in Kikamba.

When the women arrived yesterday, they looked heavy with care.  They looked tired to me.  I actually wondered how Bible study would even go.  Are they too tired to listen today?  How will God's word speak to them today?  Every word that comes out of my mouth must be translated.  The frustration of the tower of Babel continues again today in this little corner of the world.

We started to talk about God's word.  What can we be thankful for in the midst of all our anxieties?  Then something happened that rarely happens in our Bible study...almost every lady wanted a chance to speak about something she was thankful for.  Hand after hand raised up asking for a turn, mouth after mouth speaking words of praise.  There it is: the Holy Spirit on the move, producing thankfulness instead of anxiety.  Peace instead of worry.  Peace that is deep and beyond understanding.  Peace you wouldn't expect to find in a group of women from Kikamba.  Peace that is found where ever Christ is found.  These women have troubles almost beyond what I can even begin to wrap my mind around.  But they also have Christ.

Their faces changed in that moment.  I literally saw the softening, the renewing of strength, the flood of joy.  The heaviness lifted and the Spirit rushed in.

"God gave me food this week."

"My neighbors stopped fighting me"

"God healed me so that I could get out of the hospital"

"I have school fees for next term."

"God brought missionaries to Uganda"

"We have a church we can go to that teaches us about God."

"Christ died on the cross for me."

We all clapped and laughed together afterward.  What a friend we have in Jesus!  All our sins and griefs to bear.  What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer.

A Poem by Katelyn

Katelyn wrote this poem today for school.  It is a reflection on the testimony of Augustine.  I found it to be beautiful and she graciously gave me permission to put it on here.

Let me be Salt, Let me be Light, 

Let me be Someone that Satan Would Dread

Oh Lord!  How often I have gone astray

Searching for a remedy, 

I loved worldly pleasures, lust, and play,

And sat down with the enemy.

Then, searching for the direction,

To lead my self-filled soul,

I led myself into imperfection,

And cowered in death's dark hole.

I directed myself down many-a route,

Tried many beliefs, tried every sin

But they did not please, it left me in doubt,

Knowing that I by myself could not win.

But I could not find truth

I could not find light

It seemed sin were a sleuth

And day turned to night.

'Twas simple guilt, 'twas sinful charms,

'Twas my wicked heart trying to harden,

But I put it aside and ran into thine arms,

Begged your forgiveness, and pleaded for pardon.

Now the life of a Christian has already begun,

The race to the finish and the hard sprint ahead,

The Fruit to grow, and the sin to shun,

So, let me be salt, let me be light, let me be someone Satan would dread.

Bullet Post Update

::With 32 days left before we leave to go back to Uganda, we are beginning to ramp up preparations.  We can take 22 suitcases with us...full of clothes, school books, and a variety of things that are either difficult to find in country or very very expensive in country.  The kids are, for the most part, excited to go home.  For some of them, they are probably tempted to count minutes till we leave.  For some of them, they are still cherishing every minute left with cousins.

::I appreciate everyone's prayers for my health.  The doctors at Duke settled on a diagnosis of Primary Adrenal Insufficiency (AI) because of a form of non-classical congenital adrenal hyperplasia. (CAH)  I was likely born missing a partial enzyme that helps the adrenal glands produce the cortisol they are supposed to.  AI is a fairly rare disease and non classical CAH is a rare form of AI.  Many doctors haven't even heard of it...sometimes it's even featured on TV series that deal with rare diseases.  Often times people are surprised to hear that there is a group of people walking this planet that need daily steroids to stay alive.  AI is also a bit of difficult beast to work with, because your body doesn't produce the exact same amount of cortisol every day.  So I can't just take one pill every day and call it good.  If you are under job stress, a super busy day, have a difficult conversation, get in a car accident, or have surgery your body requires differing levels of cortisol for differing levels of stress.  Most stress is unpredictable...we know not what a day will bring...so more often than not, AI patients who loose the "fight or flight" hormone will have a few more sick days (for me that means lots of pain, fevers, stomach aches, nausea, racing heart, horrid brain fog, and lack of sleep) as we work in retrospect to gain back (cortisol) what God originally intended the body to do in tandem with life.  I carry a shot kit of steroid in case I were to ever find myself in a situation of sudden severe stress since patients with AI can easily and quickly go into shock. That is called an Adrenal Crisis and it can quickly lead to death if not stopped by a heavy dose of steroid. The positive news though is that most patients with CAH (me included) don't loose their ability to produce another hormone called aldosterone.  This offers me a level of protection (though not complete protection) from an adrenal crisis and I'm very thankful for that! (That's been the great news of the past couple weeks!)

I've known for quite a few years that this is my reality.  But it never fully set in until the doctor told me that it would likely be like this for the rest of my life.  Somehow I had always held out hope that if my life were to calm down enough (like maybe after Eric retires and the kids fly the nest? ha!) that I would someday be able to come off the steroids.  Well, that doesn't seem to be the case.  Seems like this is my "thorn" that God has given me to carry for his glory.  I do wonder sometimes at the idea that my life calling (homeschooling nine kids on the mission field?) doesn't seem to match with my diagnosis (take meds and do what you can to avoid stress. hmmm...)  I was convicted the other day though, that while I might not be able to do as much in life as I want, what I am able to do, I want to do well for the glory of God.  If I am able to do another activity with the kids or in the ministry, I want to do it for the glory of God.  If I am only able to sit on the couch for the day, well...that too should be done to the best of my ability for the glory of God.  Andree Seu says something like, "If the king asks you to conquer the hinter lands one day and shoe his horse the next, you do them both without slacking...for he is the king."  This is the cross that the King of Glory has called me to bear, so may I do it without slacking for his glory.

::We have several (about 10 plus) more churches to speak at through Michigan and Ontario, one more flight out to Oregon for our previous church's 25th anniversary, then a week of visitors, and then a week to pack.  Pray that we will find some rest, some time to pack, and a few more precious memories in it all.

Awake or Asleep?

In Mark 4:35-41 we read the story of Jesus calming the storm on the sea.  He had been sleeping in the stern of the boat after a full day of ministry and preaching.  His disciples came and basically said, "How on earth can you still be asleep? We are about to die!"  So, he woke up, rebuked the wind and then he rebuked his disciples.  They had little faith, but Jesus' work left them in great fear.

Fast forward a couple of years to Mark 14:32-42.  This time they are in the garden and death was once again at the door.  Jesus was in a spiritual battle and his disciples?  This time it was they that slept.  He came to them three times and begged them to stay awake..."How can you be asleep, disciples... I am about to die!  Watch and pray with me!"  Again they had little faith, but this time it would be Jesus' betrayer that would leave them in great fear.

Isn't this just like Satan, that great deceiver, to confuse us?  We sleep when we should be awake, and we are awake when we should be asleep!  He puts us on alert concerning the kingdom of this world and lulls us to sleep in all things concerning the kingdom of heaven.  We can be so hot when it comes to earthly pleasures, and chillingly cold in our pursuit of heavenly rewards.

Let us pray that the Holy Spirit would so fill us that we see this deception for what it is.  Let us watch, pray and stay awake today for the right things! And when it is time to sleep tonight, let's sleep in peace and let our worries go.  We will never add even one day to our lives by staying awake to fix things.  So often our spirit truly is willing, and our flesh really is so weak.  But God remembers that we are dust.  He knows that about us.  He sends the Holy Spirit to help us in our weakness.  Isn't he a kind Father?

What about you?   Do you find yourself fighting battles you don't need to and sleeping through ones you should be awake for?  How is your prayer life?  What do you do to watch for the devious works of Satan?

Butaga OPCU

A few Sundays ago, we worshiped at the village church, Butaga Orthodox Presbyterian Church of Uganda.  

This church is a struggling small church in the hills of Mt. Wanale.

A very small, but very precious group of believers.

One family wanted their son baptized.  It was a blessing to see the father taking initiative during the baptism and wanting to hold his baby for it. (Often, baptism is seen as a "mother's thing" and the fathers won't come to the front apart from being asked)

After the service, one of the young ladies of the church, Doreen, age 14, gave a bit of her testimony.  She comes from a Muslim family, but she herself is a Christian.  Because of her faith, her family has not supported her very much.  At the end of the video, she tells how the Muslim leaders have even told her that if her parents die, she shouldn't help to bury them.  She is a spiritual orphan, but has found a family in Christ.  We praise the Lord for her faith and joy in spite of her difficult life.

Great News and...a little baby...

We have legal guardianship of Denise!!!!!  Praise the Lord with us!  We are SO thrilled with the work that God has done!!!  We did not make it public, but it was not a smooth road to gain this guardianship.  I wrote the following post right after our second court case, but was too afraid to publish it. But since all is well, I thought I would still put my ramblings on here.  Here is what I wrote:

Court Again: 2 Corinthians 1:9

"As you may remember, a couple weeks ago, we went to court in Kampala.  We had a blast with our big kids and assumed that court had gone well.

We couldn't have been more wrong.  Apparently, the judge hadn't liked us at all and was ready to fail our case.  In fact, as soon as we had left the room, he had turned to the clerk and told her to go through our file and find all the reasons that our case should fail.  Our lawyer found out what was really going on and on the day that we were supposed to get our ruling, went in and asked for more time to bring further evidence in our favor.  The judge had many questions including how we provide for 9 kids, why homeschooling, and what would we do if Eric ever lost his job.  He also didn't understand how it was that we didn't have a house and land in America.  (This is coming from a Ugandan perspective where owning land and building a home is a cultural priority.)  He was also very concerned that we were going to use Denise as maid or someone to "carry our luggage" rather than viewing her as our daughter, equal with the other children.  Many of his questions were fair; many were hard to hear.

"Indeed we felt that we had received the sentence of death..."

When we first arrived in his office, he spent almost an hour telling us how our case was a "dead patient."  He said that there was no life and that there was no good reason that we should be granted our petition.  And in a situation like this we should let Denise go and should not worry, God would take care of Denise.  It was very difficult for us as adults to hear. Perhaps the most emotionally trying experience my husband and I have ever had.  It was exceedingly difficult for Denise, Katelyn and Rebecca to hear.

"...But that was to make us rely not on ourselves..." 

After an hour, we were crushed and were just praying in our hearts for God to intervene and grant life...abundant full life.  The judge seemed to not want to hear anything we had to say in our defense.  We could only listen and pray.

"...but on God who raises the dead..."

About an hour and a half  into everything, our lawyer told the judge that I had been adopted at age 3.  Suddenly, that changed everything.  The judge really is pro-adoption and in his view, the fact that I have been blessed through adoption and wanted to share that blessing with another child, made him ready to grant our case!  At that point, he finally let me stand up and testify to that fact.  And once I did, he said, "Now life has come to this case!  This case was dead, but now it has been resurrected!"

Who knew all these many years, as I was loved and cared for in a foster home, adopted for life and through love by my family, often wondering why my life was the way it was, that God was preparing the way for yet another beautiful story of redemption and resurrection.  In my life, I have often counted the many blessings of my adoption...but this one particular, direct blessing came out of the blue.  I never would have thought that my crazy life story would one day be used by God to redeem another life.

Yes, it is God and God alone who raises the dead:  a dead Christ Savior, my dead heart and now the "dead file" of my sweet dear daughter.  This is only the work of his hands and his grace.  This is God looking down and saying, "I want that girl for myself...so that she can have a future and a hope...so that she can know me, so that she can learn and grow.  She is worth far more than being "just a maid," in fact, she is worth more than rubies."

God is very good to us!  There is no end to his grace!  We will hear his official ruling on April 15th, but he seemed to indicate at the end that everything would be okay.  He even shook the girls' hands and told them to "have hope."  Our lawyers felt confident that all was well.  But please continue to pray that God will grant our petition and request!  And pray for the young hearts that were present, that they would "forget" the things that lie behind and look forward to what lies ahead..."

And we found out this morning that everything is INDEED well!  We praise God for that!  Our next step will be to get a passport and visa for her.  Please continue to pray for a smooth process.

So!  In other news...

On Wednesday, we got a call from a church member that she had found a baby that had been abandoned in a bush next to a field just up the road from our house.  She had called the Police and was wondering if we could help.  So I walked up to see what was going on.  I was introduced to the Police as the woman who would take the baby, which I was very happy to help out with.  So we went to police to file reports and then we came home with him.  We will have him for 1 week while the police investigate and see if they can find the family.  Regarding his future, we don't know what the Lord has in store for him.  If his family is not found, we pray that one day a Christian family will come forward to adopt him.  (I know my audience has a huge big heart for adoption...so I feel I must throw this in lest I get a ton of blessed emails asking similar questions... :-) First, we cannot adopt him right now since we are in the middle of Denise's adoption.  Second, Uganda adoption law is changing so that Americans can no longer adopt while living in America.  And third, since he is a healthy newborn, there is great hope that a Ugandan family will come forward for him at some point.  All of that, of course, is in the Lord's mighty hands!  The best thing we can do right now is pray that God will direct his life in a mighty way with the best, most God-glorifying solution!)

I grieve for his mom.  She must be in such turmoil right now.  "Throwing babies away" is a sad sad occurrence here...not unlike abortion in America.  Often babies get thrown into latrines so as to assure their death.  Because this little boy was placed under a tree in a semi-populated area, I believe his mom was hoping that someone would find him and save him.  So we continue to pray for her that God will use this in her life to draw her to himself and show his love to her.

And we just are so thankful that God saved his life!!  No wild dogs got him...no snakes, rats or bugs!  Two days prior, we had a torrential rain and hail storm that surely would have drowned him.  On Wednesday, it wasn't that hot and it got cloudy, but never rained!  Praise God!  He was very weak after his birth and day out side.  It's only just today that he's really begun to open his eyes and cry out for his needs.  The first day, he was almost limp in our arms.  He's only 4.5 pounds right now!  So tiny!! So precious!!  He has an eye infection.  We aren't sure if it is from dirt from being on the ground or a STD.  It is being cultured and we will find out soon.  Otherwise...he's perfectly healthy!  Amazing GRACE!!

So, here he is...

...and yea, despite the circumstances surrounding how we got him, we are in baby heaven...loving every minute God has given us!

Thanks for all your prayers, friends.  We are so grateful!!!

Psalm 67:1-2: A Purpose for Seeking God's Blessings in the New Year

“May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations.” Ps. 67:1-2

At the beginning of a new year, many of us pray that God will be gracious to us and bless us in the coming year.  It is a good prayer.  A wonderful prayer, actually.  We want God’s grace and we want his blessing.  We want God to shine upon us!  We want God to be near to us and close at hand.  We want this because our hearts often cry with Peter: where else would we go?  Jesus has the words of eternal life! or with the Psalmist when he says, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you.”  We want God in our new year.  We want his face to shine on us. We want his undeserved favor.  But perhaps we don’t often think of why.  Why do we want God to draw near with his favor?

Psalm 67 tells us one reason why.  We want God to bless us, so that his way may be known on the earth.  We want his grace, so that we can fulfill the Great Commission.  We want his face to shine on us, so that his great plan of salvation can be spread to all nations.  Have you ever thought about this when you ask God for his grace?

Why do we want God’s grace in our marriages this year?  So that we can have a marriage that enables the gospel to go forward.  We don’t want to have a poor marriage which is taking all of our energy to save it so that we are distracted from the great commission.  We don’t want a poor marriage that is a poor reflection of the gospel to our neighbors.  We also don’t want a marriage that is merely happy and therefore becomes a distraction: a marriage where we are so content to just be together that we think of little else other than work and weekends.  We want God to bless our marriages, to make them strong, so that they become a strong platform in which we can spread the gospel beginning with our neighborhood and ending with the far reaches of the world.  God give us this grace!

Why do we want God to bless our parenting this year?  So that we can raise children that move the gospel forward.  We don’t want to raise rebellious children that take so much of our time and energy that we are distracted from the gospel.  We also don’t want to raise children who blaspheme God’s plan of salvation.  We want to raise children who are straight, strong arrows used to defeat the enemy and push God’s kingdom forward.  We want children who are bold and brave with their friends and who won’t be afraid to leave the boarders of their own country one day.  God bless us!

Why do we want God to give us grace in our finances?  So that we can give generously and lavishly so that the Gospel may go forward.  We don’t want to be tempted to only look out for us.  We don’t want to be tempted to live on an island of one.  We want to see that God’s work is never stopped because of lack of funding.  We want missions, pastors, foster care homes, adoptions, youth ministries, prison ministries, hospital ministries, diaconal aid funds, GoFundMe sites of our fellow believers and many other ministries to all be able to become platforms for the gospel to be moved forward to the nations.  God give us your grace!

Why do we want God to bless our churches this year?  So that they can be a beacon of light and salty-salt to the neighborhoods around them and to the world.  We don’t want churches that are cold, dry and ingrown.  We don’t want lukewarm.  We want God to bless us with hot, vibrant, life giving love for everyone who walks in our doors.  We want abundant love for our fellow churches all around the world.  We want God to bless us financially this year so that our deacons have more to give and plenty to work with so that pastors and missionaries can be easily supported and communities can be strengthened by our faith joining together with our works.  God bless us!

Why do I want God to make his face to shine upon me as a person?  So that I will proclaim his good news of saving grace to everyone I meet through my actions and my words.  I don’t want to be a miserable, sad, unloving, non-peaceful, ungracious wretch that can’t see outside of my own little world.  I don’t want to be a hindrance to the gospel.  I want God to bless me with the fruit of the Spirit so that I will be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control so that the gospel will flow in a mighty rushing way out of my life in my words, thoughts, actions and prayers.  God make your face to shine upon me!

Oh yes, Lord, please bless us this year.  Please give us your grace.  Make your face to shine upon our marriages, children, finances, churches and our very lives.  Do this so that your way is made known on earth and your saving power to the nations.  Father bless us so that your Great Commission can go forward this year and until you return.

How are you praying for God to bless you this year?  How can you use that blessing to further the gospel among the nations?

The Hard Part of School

I love teaching my kids.  A few days ago, I got into a conversation with a Ugandan man about teaching my kids.  He kept wanting to know if I thought my kids would eventually "catch up" to their peers when I moved back to America and put them back into government school.  *smile*  In a country where home schooling is virtually unheard of, I wasn't surprised (or offended) by his questions at all.  In the back of my head though, I kept thinking to myself...

The academics are the easy part...

It's my constant attempts to soften their hearts and bring their hearts into submission to the Lord that's hard!

You see, I really believe that no effective academic learning can happen, until my kids' hearts are in cheerful submission to me.  This means that ultimately they have to be submitting to the Lord in order to learn well.

So during their first few years of school especially, I have to make a patient and prayerful pursuit of their hearts...not just their math facts or letters.  If their hearts are with me and willing to cheerfully obey, the learning will happen.  If not, what is difficult in and of its self, becomes almost impossible.

There are three things that come to my mind tonight that help in this heart training. First, it is so important for me to remember that heart training isn't an extra that happens on the side on bad days when my kids went to bed too late the night before.  Heart training is a goal of our school.  It is something to work towards every day.  If I can remember this continually, I won't get so frustrated when I see a bad attitude creep up.  Instead of seeing the bad attitude as merely an interruption to the "important business," I can see it as an opportunity to pursue something that I have set out as a goal of our time together.

Second, working to instill academic confidence into my children, helps them to trust me with their hearts.  It is easy, as a home school mom, to set the bar too high, too soon.  It's easy to get into a difficult concept and not back off, despite the child's obvious frustration with it.  It's easy to exasperate them while trying to do a good thing.  It takes so much wisdom to know how hard to push a child through difficult work.  Most kids are naturally lazy at things they don't necessarily care to learn and will often put up a fuss just because they don't want to put the effort into it.  But some things are genuinely too difficult for them and the fuss is legit!  I find, that it's so important to give praise and encouragement for things they are doing well and assurance when they genuinely need to back off for a time on things they struggle with and a good firm hand to push them through the laziness!  Wowsas....it's tough!  And I don't always succeed.  But over the years of patiently pursing this balancing act, they grow to trust me more as their teacher and I become less of a stumbling block towards sinful attitudes.

Third, I must remember that God is refining my heart just as much as my children's in all of this.  Sanctification is for us all.  No discipline is ever pleasant, but it does yield an abundant harvest of righteousness.  It is a kindness of God to use our little home school to pull the dross off of my heart and replace it with joy found only in the person of Christ.  Through this process he is forming me into a mother whom my children will call blessed...not because I was a great mom or I taught them every thing they needed to know for college, not because I never exasperated them or I always pushed them just the right amount when they were being lazy, (I fail all the time and my children know it!) but because God is working in my heart and is replacing my flesh with Himself and when they see Him in me, they will be able to say, "She is blessed."

Yes, today's post comes at the end of a long day of school that had tears involved for many of the above reasons.  But God is always faithful to us and his mercies (including that cup of morning coffee!) are new every morning.

What about you?  What do you find that helps to get your kids hearts ready to learn?  Anyone else find the balancing act difficult?

Bless the Lord, O my Soul

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

There has been a lot going on in our lives these past couple weeks.  Some things have been very exciting and I can't wait to share the news when the time comes.  Some things have been very hard and will never be able to be shared on this platform.  It seems like each day, we haven't known what kind of news the day would bring, for good or not quite so good.  We've been living with a bit stronger reality that we can't know what the day will look like at its ending compared to its beginning.  And we've been living with hearts full of grief and joy... a paradox of heart that only Christ can bring.

This song has been running through my head over and over the past couple weeks.  Actually, I have been intentionally playing it every morning as I'm finishing up my run or getting ready for the day.  The lines "whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes." has been a prayer of my heart each morning.  And knowing that the day is coming when we will sing God's praises for ten thousand years and then forever more is such a huge comfort!  Just think!  Ten thousand years and we will just be getting started!  This life and all its trials pale in comparison to the glory that is waiting!

Consider with me...

Matthew 19: 23 And Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” 25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

And

James 5: 1 Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you. 2 Your riches have rotted and your garments are moth-eaten. 3 Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days. 4 Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. 5 You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. 6 You have condemned and murdered the righteous person. He does not resist you.

I think, when many Americans read these verses, they assume that the “rich person” being referred to must be someone like Bill Gates.  Maybe they think that it would be someone who could afford to buy a small country or pay cash for an airplane.  Or maybe, they would at least say, that these warnings are only for the 1%; the rest of the 99% of American people need not worry about this warning.  When we lived in America, and resided in the mid to lower end of the American salary spectrum, I was definitely guilty of this type of thinking.  I never worried myself too much about these warnings.  It was easy to look around, see many people who were wealthier than us and therefore consider our family to be on the poorer side of things.  When we moved to Uganda, our salary and standard of living changed very little, but our perspective changed a lot.  We suddenly were thrust into the 1% percent of our surrounding neighbors.  Suddenly, we came face-to-face with the reality that we are rich…  We are the rich people of Matthew 19 and James 5 that will have difficulty obtaining heaven apart from God’s particular grace to meet us in our weakness.

 

This has led me to question…

What exactly is it about being rich that makes it hard to enter heaven?  By looking into my own prone-to-wandering-heart and into scripture, I can see a few things…

A rich person can end up trusting in his riches.  Riches give us a better education, better food, better health, and better access to theological literature.  Riches give the appearance of strength and power physically, spiritually and intellectually.  In reality, Christ is the only source of strength and power.  To rest in our own strength and power is to deny the sufficiency of Christ.

A rich person can become a proud person…boasting in himself.  It is easy to look around and be well-pleased with the fruitful work of one’s strong hands.  But Christ wants us to boast in our weakness, because we are recognizing that his grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Rich people don’t have as many easily apparent weaknesses to boast in, so it becomes difficult to see that his grace is sufficient.

A rich person can often fail to cultivate a deep trusting relationship with his provider God because he sees very little that his own hand cannot provide.  When I listen to the depth of prayer and the urgency with which my brothers and sisters in Uganda pray for daily bread, school fees, traveling mercies, and health concerns, I realize that I am missing a unique depth of relationship that they have.  They trust God because there is nothing else to trust in.  Related to this, rich people tend to store up treasures and things in their garages, attics, cupboards, storage rooms and closets.  All these items are sitting there “just in case a need arises.”  All these items, that could be put to good use by someone else or sold and the money given to the poor, are just sitting there for years, degenerating.  I fully believe these items will be evidence against us on the Day of Judgment. (James 5:3)  Oh to have greater faith that would trust God to provide when our needs arise, rather than storing up our own treasures so we can provide for ourselves.

Rich people can easily think of themselves as “blessed” because they have a house, they have a car, they have a full refrigerator, and they have their needs met.  These are all good things to be thankful for, but they are not how scripture tells us we are “blessed.”   Matthew 5 defines a blessed person as meek, pure and merciful.  He or she is a peace-makers who mourns, is poor in spirit, and who is persecuted because of his righteousness.   Rich people can be easily distracted by their so-called “blessings,” and fail to strive for God’s blessings, but the poor Christian brother and sister is more likely to see and experience God’s blessings as He defines them because they have very few things to be distracted by.

A rich person can easily live in a bubble and forget about the poor.  It is easy to get caught up in the daily life of the wealthy: private Christian school life, church building committee life, soccer-mom life, work-life, country club life, home school mom-life, etc.  All the while, millions are suffering and trying to find their basic necessities.  Failure to pull one’s head out of the daily life of the rich and do things for the “least of these” puts one in danger of hearing the Lord say, “Depart from me, I never knew you.” (Matthew 25: 31-46)

A rich person can easily fatten his heart.  Let’s face it, obesity rates in America are crazy high.  Is it just our bodies that are fat, or could our hearts be also?  Just like it is difficult for rich people to stay physically fit, it can be difficult for a rich person to keep his heart fit, in-shape and ready for service like a good soldier.  Being physically fit takes self-denial: not eating the rich, pleasurable foods or spending one’s daily calorie allotment on empty calories.  A physically –fit person may enjoy a slice of something chocolaty every once in a while, but it isn't where his fork usually resides.  Heart fitness takes self-denial too: not participating in the rich, pleasurable life style that the world has to offer.  A spiritually fit person doesn't spend all his time or money that he has been given on spiritually-empty, self-pleasuring, self-entertaining activities.  He might enjoy some entertainment every once in a while to the glory of God, but it isn't where his heart resides.  But rich people have so much excess time and money (or access to it via credit cards) to participate in all sorts of potentially unhelpful entertainment: gaming systems, cruises, large screen TVs, fine dining, fine wines and IPA beers, novels, movie theaters, etc.  A rich person has to exercise great self-control to not over participate in these things and end up fattening his heart.  Just like maintaining control over one’s body is hard, maintaining control over one’s heart is hard too!  And just like science has made clear that obesity leads to death, James has made clear that when we fatten our hearts, we do so for the day of slaughter.

Is it therefore wrong and sinful to be rich? Or should we feel guilty for being rich?  No.  It is not wrong to be rich nor should we feel guilty that we have money while others struggle for money.  We do not need to feel guilty or sinful every time we shop for groceries that we have been given the means to provide for our families while others haven’t.  Nor should we feel guilty about earning more money.  But we must be very aware that being rich puts us in a position where we can be (and probably are!) easily deceived by Satan in many areas simply because our culture does not see these things as sin.  Being wealthy is a potentially dangerous place for our souls to be.  The Bible shows that there are many ways a rich person can be guilty of not glorifying God with their wealth and therefore be found guilty of sin and in need of repentance.  This is the reason that I Timothy 6:9 warns that the desire of riches (and that can include the desire for a certain standard of living) can cause people to “fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.”  We must pray earnestly that God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, will sensitize us to these sins in a world that is so desensitized to them.  If we have failed in these areas, a contrite and repentant heart that looks to the cross of Christ will glorify God and his grace to us and save even the rich!  With God, even the salvation of a rich person is possible!

And as we seek to grow in sanctification in the area of wealth, a good passage to meditate on is I Timothy 6: 17-19 in-which God tells us what we SHOULD do with our wealth.  It says, “17 As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 18 They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, 19 thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”  Being rich in good works, generous, ready to share our wealth and storing up treasure in heaven by giving our earthly treasure away is a means of grace to us.  God gives us this particular grace for our particular soul-threatening status of being rich. If we have been given wealth, it is in our spiritual best interest to lower our standard of living so that we have more to give.  We must put off the old man by fleeing the particular sins that can accompany wealth and we must put on the new man by being rich in good works, generous and ready to share!

And we can take comfort that while we work on our hearts in this area, God is also working in us to bring our hearts into submission to his will.  That is the comfort of Matthew 19:26: “With man this [a rich person being saved] is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  When I see the hardness of my heart, God says “I can change it.  All things are possible for me.”  Through the power of the triune God, may we all be known to the world as a people that seek God with our wealth!  

Radical as Ordinary

I will stop trying to live a so-called “radical” life when…

...I start seeing grandmas begin to bring fat grandbabies to church, rather than their seven month old grandbabies who weigh less than 10 pounds. 

...When these babies, whose mothers died during childbirth, are able to get more than one cup of milk a week. 

...When I no longer need to attend the funeral of a 12 year old who died from a treatable disease and watch her be laid in the ground wrapped in nothing more than a white sheet. 

...When my children don’t come home dirty from church because they sat on the dirt floor of the sanctuary. 

...When the hydrocephaly rates in East Africa drop because babies aren’t being born into houses where the walls are covered in cow dung. 

...When the American church is not only praying for more laborers to harvest the fields in obedience to Luke 10:2, but also pouring out money to send them.

...When the kids in the Reformed churches here are able to receive not just an education (where they actually learn to read, write and do math), but also a Christian education.

...When local pastors are able to be given a salary, so that they don’t have to work full time while trying to shepherd a church. 

...When I see evidences of “ordinary” Christians in America living with a war-time mentality more than I see pictures of Pumpkin Spice Lattes on my Facebook news feed.  

...When all the children in our reformed churches here have at least one pair of shoes to protect their feet from permanent deformity due to jiggers laying eggs in and eating their flesh.

...When babies in our reformed churches are no longer dying of Malaria simply because their parents couldn’t come up with $4 to transport them to a clinic.  

...When the elderly widows do not have to be “blind elderly widows” because they have access to cataract surgery. 

...When men, who are called to be pastors, don’t have to choose between providing for their family and attending seminary. 

...When the kids are no longer filling their stomach with nutritionally empty cassava during hunger season, just so they don’t have to sleep with the pangs of hunger filling their swollen bellies. 

...When all of the members of our churches have easy access to something as simple as clean water.

This part of the reality of life in Uganda and many other places will only cease when all Christians make these things a part of their reality and make doing something about it an “ordinary” part of life.  Then, and only then, will we be able to stop calling it “radical.”

Oh, that the average reformed Christian in America would make it a part of their reality.  But too often, they don’t.  So the problems remain.  If we take an honest look at the church in America, there is too high of a percentage of members that remain in an “ordinary” life that rarely looks beyond the church doors, let alone beyond the American borders.  It assumes that poverty equals laziness.  It spiritually justifies giving minimal amounts of money, claiming that it hurts the poor.  It is content to lead a nice, socially acceptable, pleasing life in the suburbs.  Go to work.  Go to school.  Go to church.  Give your tenth.  Save for retirement.  Make sure you relax because life is stressful.  Entertain yourself.  Protect your health.  Be safe.  Vote conservatively.  Don’t get too crazy or extreme.  Don’t make others feel uncomfortable.  Definitely, don’t lower your standard of living so that you can give more.

It is because this is “ordinary” Christianity for most people, that authors like David Platt, are left to use the word “radical” (meaning “beyond ordinary”) when encouraging Christians to live as Christ desires them to live.  If the average Christian in America truly loved others around the world as they love themselves, there would be no need to use the word “radical.”  We could stick to words like “ordinary.”

Being “radical” is not legalism.  Those of us who choose to, God helping us, live this way are not doing it to earn our salvation or gain points with God or ease the guilt of our sin.  For us, it is a form of love not law.  We believe that God called us to love our neighbors, no matter where they live, as ourselves.

 

...If my children have milk twice a day, I want my neighbors to have it. 

...If my children have shoes, I want my neighbors to have them. 

...If my church in America doesn't worship on a dirt floor, I don’t want the church here to. 

...If I don’t have cow dung on my walls, I don’t want my sisters to. 

...If I can get my children to the hospital whenever they need it, I want my brothers to be able to. 

...If our growing family was financially supported through my husband’s seminary years, I want to support more men’s families through theirs. 

...If I can turn on a tap and get clean water, I want my sisters to be able to turn on a tap and get clean water. 

...If I can provide a Christ centered solid education for my children, I want the families in our churches here to be able to provide that for their children. 

...If I am thankful for and benefited spiritually by my husband and most pastors in America having a salary so that they can devote themselves completely to the work of the church, I want my brothers and sisters here to have that too. 

Is this not just fruit of the gospel?  Oh that this were ordinary fruit!  Oh that no one felt the need to call it radical!  Oh that these desires were daily on the hearts of God’s people!

I know it's hard, y'all.  I have many days that I would rather give up and go home and huddle in a dark corner somewhere stuffing my face with finely shredded Colby-Jack cheese (yes, that was what I found myself literally dreaming about a few weeks ago).  But when God tells us that we are saved to do good works, he promises to provide all that we need to be sustained over the long haul.  And while I certainly haven't arrived nor am I perfect in my attempts, I have been blessed to see his provision over and over and over again in my own life as I've tried to serve him in deeper ways...from the strength to love a child that didn't love me to the strength to love both in spirit and in as many tangible ways as we possibly can, a people and culture that were unlike anything I had known before.  He has never failed, not once.  And he will never cease to bring those that he loves and knows to be "dust" through any task that he would like us to do.  And the best part?  He gets all the glory then...from the call to serve, to the physical means to serve, to the emotional means to serve, to the spiritual means to serve...it becomes all of him!  And isn't that just what my chief goal in life should be anyway...to glorify him?

And I would warn those who are calling the people who live with this reality before them “legalists.”  Be very careful to not squelch the work of the Holy Spirit.  Be very careful to not stop brothers and sisters from following the second greatest commandment that is so very similar to the first.  If you feel like someone is in error, go to them privately.  Do not smear a movement across the internet and in your writing so as to give the “ordinary" church in America yet another excuse to stop giving and working.  The church is in far more danger of doing too little than they are of doing too much.

It is my prayer that anyone who reads this will make this kind of love their “ordinary.”  It is my prayer that you will be so enraptured by the glory of God as shown to you through the gospel of Jesus Christ, that you will overflow in love for your brothers and sisters in Christ no matter what color they are, where they live, or if you will ever meet them on this side of eternity.  It is my prayer that you will truly begin to comprehend what it means to love others as you love yourself.  It is my prayer that you will be so filled with the Holy Spirit that you will be attuned to his promptings to give when and how he calls you to give.

Remember, that as you do it for the least of these, Christ will see you as doing these works to Him and you will by no means lose your reward.  Christ loving us enough to reward us?  Now that is radical love!

Seeing Christ

 "For you must give up your own right if you would discharge your duty: a regard to your own interests must not be put in preference to Christ’s glory, or even placed upon a level with it. Whithersoever Christ calls you, you must go promptly, leaving off all other things. Your calling ought to be regarded by you in such a way, that you shall turn away all your powers of perception from everything that would impede you. It might be in your power to live elsewhere in greater opulence, but God has bound you to the Church, which affords you but a very moderate sustenance: you might elsewhere have more honor, but God has assigned you a situation, in which you live in a humble style: you might have elsewhere a more salubrious sky, or a more delightful region, but it is here that your station is appointed. You might wish to have to do with a more humane people: you feel offended with their ingratitude, or barbarity, or pride; in short, you have no sympathy with the disposition or the manners of the nation in which you are, but you must struggle with yourself, and do violence in a manner to opposing inclinations, that you may keep by the trade you have got; for you are not free, or at your own disposal. In fine, forget yourself, if you would serve God.' --John Calvin

I have to admit, we've had a hard summer and it's turning into an exhausting fall.  Somewhere between malaria, pneumonia and typhoid, somewhere between water outages and broken vehicles, somewhere between a dearly loved young person stealing from us and dearly loved friends moving away, we had to find Jesus in it all.  We had to.  We can live a crazy radical missionary life all we want, but if we don't see Jesus in the very middle of it, we are the most to be pitied.

It is because we see him...his glory, our heavenly reality, the joy that he wants for us...that all the mess of life begins to hold such great value.  All of the struggle is worth it, if one soul is saved, if one child hears about Christ, if one person is saved from physical death because we are here to act in mercy and reflect our merciful God.  Years ago, we had a friend, one who had spent many many hours around our table talking about Christ, kill himself.  It was tragic.  At his funeral, we were given roses to lay on his casket as we left, as if it would somehow provide a bit of closure.  For me, it only served to open my heart, as I told the Lord in that moment that I would never fear the many struggling people that he would bring to me...that I would seek to look for Him in those moments...because it truly is a matter of life and death.

And so we steady the course.  We push up our sleeves.  We dig back in.  We open our gate...and our hearts.  We share our God-sized story with others.  Because once we see Christ in the mess of life, we are no longer free to walk as those who are blinded to the truth.  And when things get hard...as they are sure to do... we do violence to any inclination that would keep us from going where God goes, staying where God stays, doing what Christ would have us to do.

And the Christ we serve is so amazing.  Because not only do we see him in our heavenly-bliss-producing-good-news, but we see him in an amazing day-by-day grace.  We see him in the medical treatment, we see him in the provision of dear friends to help us deal with no water, we see him in the provision of a new van, we see him in the deafening thunder that rattled our house as we prayed with our young friend to find forgiveness in Christ.

Christ is worth it.  I want to see him.  Will you join me?

New Members and New Visitors...another wonderful Sunday!

This morning we welcomed into membership Mama Beth and her family.  Her oldest two boys...Adrian and Emma (short for Emmanuel) also made profession of faith.  What a blessing it has been to know this family and to watch them grow.  About 9 months ago, the boys began coming to church and coming to our house to play.  They told us that often their mother had to travel to the village to try to find money and help.  They were often left alone for many days at a time...and often their food ran out before their mother would make it home with more.  One night, very early in our time of knowing them, the boys were playing at our house and told us they had no supper.  We were cooking pizza for ourselves that night, so we were wondering if they were telling the truth, or if they just wanted pizza...so we sent them home.  Neither of us had a peace about it.  So we loaded up our leftovers on a plate and drove out to their neighborhood as the sun was setting in hopes of finding them.  We did find them...outside their empty room that served as home...no food in sight...they were preparing to just go to sleep, and they were very happy for the pizza!  Adrian, the oldest, always seemed to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders.  Emma was a  protector and provider to his younger siblings...he and Andrew (the next youngest) would usually cook all of the food when their mother was gone.  One time, we were out with the four boys and decided to get them each a box of milk to drink.  The shop only had two cold ones and two warm ones.  Adrian and Emma immediately gave the cold ones to the younger kids.  They are so loving to each other!  During those months, they were always inviting their mother to come to church.  They wanted their mother to be a part of the fellowship here and to sit under the teaching.  Finally, after many Sundays of asking her, she came.  If I could describe the way she looked that first Sunday, I would use the words defeated, discouraged and down trodden.  The effects of an alcoholic husband who had left them, the poverty that followed, the constant desperate struggle to provide basic necessities most certainly had left marks upon her heart, but even her physical countenance had been changed.

Today, she stands as a confident, beautiful woman.  The haggard look on her face is long gone.  Her boys, even the older two, are able to play more freely like kids should.  She is a wonderful mama to them and rarely needs to go the village.  She is blessed by the preaching and teaching of the church.  She has also been blessed by the physical assistance of the church, including diaconal help and help obtaining a part time job.  

She is a beautiful example of the blessing of word and deed together working.  She is a testimony as to why the ministry of mercy is powerful and good!  She is a testimony as to how the preaching of the Word can be useless apart from good deeds of mercy.  But together, they are a powerful combination!  James 2: 14-17:  What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?  If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food,  and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?  So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."  

May the church both in America and Uganda always be a people who is excited to be involved in works of both word and deed...at home and abroad.  May we feel God's smile upon us and look towards our heavenly reward as we sacrifice our temporary earthly pleasures so that the Mama Beths of the world can come to and experience a gracious and giving Lord.  Works of deed breathe life into our faith and word...just like they breathed life into Mama Beth and her boys.  We praise the Lord to have been able to watch this life-giving transformation of this family!  May God bless Mama Beth, Adrian, Emma, Andrew and Geoffrey with an active, living, persevering faith and they serve him all their lives!