The End

654 posts on this corner of the internet.  Stories, pictures, highs, and lows of our life in Uganda have been recorded and shared.  Abundant adventures, lots of laughter, plenty of tears, and so many prayers were recorded on this page.  I would even wager that lives were saved, as we shared physical needs and you guys stepped up, dug deep and sent resources to help.

However, since we are no longer in Uganda and life has taken a radically different turn, this blog has reached its end. It is my great hope, that if anyone in the future ever happens by this internet space again, that they will see a great story of God's faithfulness to us over and over again.  Even in the past 8 months, while my earthly life has fallen apart, I still see God's faithfulness and goodness because he has been just that: faithful and good.  It's the thread that has weaved itself through this whole story.

But if you know me, you hopefully know that this is not the end of my blogging days.  Nope.  You will still find me hammering out my thoughts on life and sharing the adventures of my kiddos, on a new space (and a new platform!)

https://findingriversinthedesert.blogspot.com/

I hope to see you there!

(A little about the feet picture... we had a similar ending to my first blog and so we thought we'd try again...only teenage feet...and dirty feet at that!... aren't quite as cute as baby feet! Lol!!)

December Photo Project: Days 11 & 12

I was crazy busy all day yesterday, so this truckload of pictures from the dress rehearsal of the Nutcracker will have to suffice for two days.  We are looking forward to enjoying the performance of the Nutcracker tonight! 

Firm in the Faith

This morning in church we sang the classic hymn "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus."

I haven't had much emotional energy to grieve leaving Uganda still.  But this morning my heart hurt with homesickness.  There is nothing like the voices of 300 plus children in Kikamba belting out the words to this great hymn.  They didn't always know all the words to the first half of the lines, but they would loudly echo "nothing but the blood of Jesus!" with a bold confidence that Americans...as we say in the south: bless their hearts...just can't do.  Oh, how I miss those little ones and their Sunday morning singing!

My pain was soothed slightly by the truth of the last verse:

Now by this, I'll overcome, nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Now by this, I'll reach my home, nothing but the blood of Jesus.

That's just it, isn't it?  How does one overcome such homesickness when you're living in a place that is supposed to be home, but it's not, and you're missing a country that was home despite the fact that it wasn't your own home culture?  Only through resting in all the promises of what Christ has given us through his blood poured out on the cross.

How do you walk through unspeakable pain?  Only through the promises of Christ.
How do you find feet to walk again in a new place and a new life?  Only through the promises of Christ.
How do you survive hurt and betrayal? Only through the promises of Christ.

We've been reading Isaiah at the dinner table.  The great warning of chapter 7 verse 9 pierced my heart as we read, "If you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all."

There is so much that is shifting sand these days.  My life is not settled.  I have no idea what this next year will look like.  I don't know if God will choose to bring happier days or more trials yet.  Anxiety tries so hard to be a constant companion of mine. 

Life has fallen apart to such an extent that I have been forced to learn that there is only one sure thing: Jesus died for me.  It's a small, four-word statement, with a larger-than-life reality.

 This one thing that remains makes me God's precious, beloved child and so it opens the door to all of God's promises for his children. Promises like in Psalm 71 where the psalmist tells me that God will revive me again, he will bring me up again and he will comfort me again.  Or Psalm 27, where the Psalmist says that we will look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

People have told me that I've been so strong in this trial. But I so much want everyone to know that it's not me that's been strong.  I feel the very opposite of that. I feel crushed, hurt and am often a hot mess of tears.  Any strength that might be seen is simply the strength of God that has kept my faith firm.  It is God who has made me know and remain sure that Christ died for me.  And through that, he has opened so many doors of hope: a hope that the sun will shine again one day, a hope that God will show me his goodness, a hope that God will use this pain for my good,

a hope that will overcome, a hope that will lead me home... not to Milledgeville or Uganda, but one day to my real home, where there will be no more tears and heartache.

God's Rescue Missions

Sometimes God rescues us when we didn't even know we needed rescuing.

There was a baby girl who was pushed into this world by a mother, who at sixteen, wasn't much more than a girl herself.  She was trying to make it on her own and didn't have too many options in life, so she kept that baby girl in a hotel room at night.  By day, she passed the baby girl around the truckers' arms, as she dished up their food at a truck stop across the street.  Without anyone teaching her to be a tender mom, she couldn't handle it when the baby girl cried, so she punished the tears with cigarette burns and spankings that were never meant for six-week-old baby soft skin.  And after trying hard to make it work, one night the words flew, the yelling got loud enough and the police were called.  God swooped in that night and rescued that baby girl, long before she knew she needed rescuing. 

But rescuing doesn't always feel good.  There is ripping and pulling that hurts.  The Great Gardener will rescue a little seedling by pulling it out of the plug tray and transplanting it to a pot, but as he pulls it the roots will rip and tear, the plant might even wither slightly; it sounds like death is coming at the hands of the Gardener.  But really, he is rescuing that plant.  He is putting it where it can grow, bloom, produce seedlings of its own and bring glory to the Gardener. 

Fast forward many years and that baby girl grew up.  She got married, had a truckload of kids and headed off to the mission field.  Life was humming along as she dished out plates of food, taught her kids school, and wrapped up skinned knees and wounded hearts.  And God looked down again and saw that his little girl was being hurt again in ways that were never meant for one of his children to endure.  She didn't know it.  But he rescued her again. Before she even knew that she needed rescuing, he swooped in and pulled her out.

The ripping hurts.
The pulling hurts.
There are days that she feels withered.
There are days that she feels like she just might die.

But she is in the hands of the Great Gardener.
He is putting her in a new place where she can grow, mature, and bring glory to the Gardener.

Oh God, thank you that your great rescue missions weren't only when I came to Christ... when you rescued me from my sin (though I surely thank you for that, as it was the greatest of all my rescues), but that you also rescue your people from pain and suffering even on this earth.  You truly are worthy of praise.  In all of the ripping, pulling, and withering, may my life bring you glory.  Even though I don't know my future, I know you.  Your character.  Your faithfulness.  Your love.  You truly are The Great Gardener.  Your hands are a soft place to rest my fragile heart.

Global Reunion

At the end of July/beginning of August, the kids and I were given the opportunity to go to Oklahoma to attend Global Reunion-- a re-entry/third culture kid camp organized broadly by the Church of Christ.  We had an amazing time.  It was such a great encouragement to us spiritually and emotionally.  We were able to start grieving our losses, begin to pursue some healing, receive tools that we can use as we travel these murky waters, and find a community of people that are also trying to readjust to life in America and children who are now a beautiful swirly pattern of many cultures.

On our way, we decided to drive through Texas.  We spent the weekends in Texas and visited the Dallas OPC for Sunday worship.

The littles learned about the Bridge of Chaos, just like their older siblings did many years ago at MTI.  The Bridge of Chaos, starts with being "Settled" on one side, then moves to "unsettled" then "chaos" then "resettling" then "settled again."  And around the bridge of chaos, are the arms of God carrying us through.  It's been so helpful to be able to remind the kids when they are feeling the chaos, that the chaos won't last forever and that God is surrounding us as we travel across this bridge.

They also learned about Yay Ducks and Yuck Ducks!  Again, the older kids had learned this at MTI before we went to the field and the littles have grown up telling us what their yay ducks (things they like!) and yuck ducks (things they don't like!) were, but never really understood why.  The yay ducks and the yuck ducks always swim together and are never far apart.  Together they make a pair of ducks...or a paradox.  Teaching the kids to speak both is so helpful!

The teens had their own camp and I only saw them for a few brief moments during the week.  Global Reunion started as a camp for teenaged third culture kids.  Many teens come every year for camp.  There were over 80 this year!  Our kids had a blast and are already plotting how they can get back next year.  On the last day, we had a flag ceremony.  Timothy carried the Canada flag, Matthew carried the Netherlands' flag, Rebecca carried the Uganda flag and Katelyn carried the Kenyan flag.

We also got to visit with some very special people along the way.  First is my "half sister"...her adoptive parents were my foster parents.  It's been many years since we've seen each other.

We also got to hang out with my old Roomie from our Covenant College days.  We have just a "few" kids between us now.

I also recently started a Go Fund Me Page.  The Lord has opened doors for me to begin graduate school next week online.  I will be studying for a masters degree of mental health counseling with an emphasis in Christian counseling.  You can read all the details on the page.  Just click the gofundme icon below!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!  Every day we feel God's sustaining grace and I know that he is hearing every one who continues to lift us up daily!  Thank you!

Seven Years and Now this Call

Today marks 7 years since we first moved to Uganda.  Our "Ugandaversary" has always been a point of celebration, even if only in my heart, simply because every year marked God's faithfulness to us in what was sometimes a difficult post that the Lord had called us to. 

This past Sunday in church we sang the Kristin Getty song "What Grace is Mine?"  The chorus sings,

"So I will go where ever He is calling me.  
I lose my life to find my life in Him  
I give my all to gain the hope that never dies; 
I bow my heart, take up my cross and follow Him." 

Seven years ago, I would have sung this with gusto.  The missional thought of going where ever He called me, stirred in me a sense of purpose and joy as Eric and I boarded the plane with 8 small children in tow.  I was willing to lose my life, to give my all and to take up my cross as I served him in Uganda.

Last Sunday I sat in church in America, with 9 growing children in tow and our home in Uganda so very far away.  Our dream of serving Christ there for many years to come has died a painful, horrible death and the tears flow every day still.  The first time we sang the chorus through, this glorious missional song felt like sandpaper on the open wounds of my heart.

Then the Holy Spirit, the Great Helper, began to prod...

"Am I not the one that has sent you to this new place?"
     "But God, we don't want to be here and not like this!"

"But will you still go where ever I call you? Just like you did 7 years ago?"
     "But God, Uganda seemed to have a purpose, but here all I see is how we failed."

"Will you lose your life in this place because you want to find it in me?"
     "Lord, I was willing to give up so many comforts in Uganda...water, power, safety... but I don't want to lose my life in this way and in this place, it's too much Lord!"

"Are you willing to take up your cross and follow me?"
     "In this place and way, Lord? I don't see anything beautiful about it."
   

But deeper still The Great Helper searched me and tried me, "Well, actually God, if it is you that is doing the calling, then I am willing...a thousand times my answer will be yes...if only you will give me more of yourself.  If you really will fill me with more of you, I'll follow you here.  If I really will find myself in You, I'll lose my life in this painful way.  Lord, I went to Uganda in obedience to your call.  I will now come back from Uganda in obedience to your call.  If you want me here, then in truth, I don't want to be anywhere else.  Lord, it is a big, heavy, rough, burdensome cross that I never in million years wanted to carry.  I don't like how it feels. I wish it would be taken away.  But I'll do it for you."

"God, I believe.  But please, Lord, I beg you... help my unbelief."

Blessings!

God has blessed us in so many ways this past month!

The biggest gift we were so thankful to receive is our van.  For our first few weeks in the US, all we had was a minivan.  So anywhere we all wanted to go required two trips.  haha...it was quite a juggling feat!  An anonymous donor gifted us a 12 passenger van, that has a nice cargo space in back.  Redeemer OPC in Atlanta did all the leg work to find it and purchase it.  My dad and I went and picked it up last week. Whoever you are, thank you so so much...many tears of joy were spilled when I heard about this gift.

Another great blessing was getting a new puppy.  We had so much loss when we flew back from Uganda, including all our animals...dogs, cat, rabbits, chickens, Guinea fowl, and ducks.  This sweet one, who we named Louisa May, has been a soothing balm to our hearts.  She's a St. Dane...half St Benard and half Great Dane.  She's still a puppy, but oh so sweet.  She comes running with me in the morning and is pretty spoiled the rest of the day.  

 We also were treated to a day at a waterpark.  We had a great time! 

Timothy is now in Oregon for the summer/fall working at an organic dairy farm.  Before he left, he managed to finish his 40 hours of driving time and get his full permit.

The Lord blessed us with a few weeks for the chaos of our move to settle down and then he blessed us with a week of Vacation Bible School at our new church.  This, of course, is a very new experience...my kids were the ones who kept running barefoot and complaining about the air conditioning being too cold. haha!  The kids had a blast though...the three littles as participants and the older ones as helpers.  On the last evening, they had a feast for the kids.  They dressed up like royalty and had a grand time.  The greatest blessing of the week was that it gave my kids a chance to make some new friends.